Relationship First: The Mentorship Approach to Youth Coaching

My recent conversation with David Shapiro, President and CEO of the YMCA of Greater Boston, has me thinking more about mentorship, something that occupies an adjacent space to coaching, and how a mentoring mindset can inform your approach to coaching. David said, "Mentoring says that I have some investment in getting to know you as a human and the relationship is first and the skill transferal is second."

Mentoring and coaching mean different things, but there are hardly solid lines drawn between the two. Bringing some of the principles from mentoring into coaching can transform your impact. Here are three ways to do it:

1. Invest in the Relationship

Take time to know your players beyond their athletic abilities. Create opportunities for one-on-one conversations that aren't focused on performance or skills. This investment builds trust that enhances all other aspects of coaching and signals to players that they're valued for who they are, not just what they can do on the field or court.

2. Shift from Telling to Asking

Instead of always instructing, pause to ask questions: "What do you think went well today?" "What would you like to work on?" "How are you feeling about the upcoming game?" This simple shift acknowledges young athletes as active participants in their journey and helps them build self-awareness while cultivating a greater sense of agency and ownership in their own success.

3. Tailor Your Approach to Individual Needs

Once you better understand your players as individuals, you can craft your coaching approach with players based more on their needs. Meet them where they are. Some players need more technical guidance, others need confidence building, and still others need help managing competitive emotions. By getting to know your players as individuals and recognizing these differences, you can provide what each player needs most rather than treating everyone identically.

When we bring these mentorship principles into youth sports coaching, the focus shifts from simply developing better players to developing whole people. The skills still matter, but they become part of a larger picture that includes character development, confidence building, and meaningful connection.

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